Washing in Wilderness 3

Are household chores getting you down when you are in the field? Is your laundry lacklustre? Do your safari shirts and branded T-shirts lie in a sorry, saggy heap in the corner of your tukul or tent, feeling neglected while you are out and about on yet another adrenaline-rush-emergency-response? Did you think 'steam iron' referred to a particular golf club used in sweaty, tropical climes in order to reach the 19th hole in time for a nifty G&T sundowner?

Well all that could be about to change. Why not take up that very well known adventure sport, extreme ironing?

Base pressing

Imagine that, wash days will never be the same again. Come rain or shine...

I like my trousers on the rocks, shaken not stirred

...you could travel to some of the most remote, dangerous and inhospitable terrain on the planet...

Would you like your suit dry cleaned Sir?

...to reach that ultimate pinnacle of achievement - a neatly pressed shirt!

Is that a weapon of mass distortion?

Disasterjunkie DJ's emergency ipod - groove on the move

You gotta love the Rolling Stones. They just keep rolling and gather no moss, it seems, as they did not attend Kate Moss's wedding to Jamie Hince  in 2011 as she would have wished but, undeterred, Kate still walked down the aisle to one of their hits, appropriately titled "You can't always get what you want" (aha! a tune to accompany the tricky task of organising targeted relief distributions...).

Anyway, I digress, where was I? Oh yes the Rolling Stones celebrated 50 years in the music business in 2012 by releasing a new album and going on tour, throughout which they embodied a fine example of Active Ageing i.e. "the process of optimizing opportunities for health, participation and security in order to enhance quality of life as people age".  Must be all the sex, drugs and rock and roll. I'd like to see the WHO put those on the essential medicines list!

Take Keith Richards for example, what a remarkable feat of resilience, bouncing back from disaster after falling from a coconut tree in Fiji onto his head and going on to actually remember enough of his life to write his autobiography and then become a pirate in the Caribbean....bet he didn't parley with a palm tree out there!

Oh do excuse me, sidetracked again...Disasterjunkie DJ chooses an upbeat little ditty from their GRRR! album to serenade you on your way to and from your next field assignment. I'm sure you'll find great comfort in the title "Doom and Gloom" and its opening lyrics:

"I had a dream last night that I was piloting a plane...

And all the passengers were drunk and insane..."

Sounds like the average UNHAS or ECHO flight doesn't it? So sit back, buckle up and enjoy the ride.

Washing in Wilderness 2

...as empty and gleaming like a new recruit in the field....oops a bit beyond the pail!

I've recently returned from the other side of the world where I used this little gem for my washing.

Sounds like a relic from the Cold War doesn't it? Anyone would think Maggie Thatcher has returned... I suppose it is declaring a war of sorts, the "war on stains". And the claim that it is outstanding in cold makes me wonder what it is doing in the tropics.... I wonder if they use it in Siberia? 

I'd be interested to hear from you if you have used any unusual-sounding washing powder or soap while on your travels.....yes I know, I need to get out more!

Disasterjunkie DJ says....

...here's a poptastic song that would be perfect for a blonde bombshell in crises theme tune...check it out!

Cooking in Crisis - 3 The Art of Subversive Cake-baking

If you are reading this you have probably experienced the pain and frustration of being on a dysfunctional team either at home in an HQ environment or in a remote location somewhere in the field. The humanitarian team.... probably the most dysfunctional family in the world, well one of them anyway. No doubt you can clearly recall the inflated egos and insecurities, the abundant emergency elephants-in-rooms and concurrent pussyfooting around them as well as the exaggerated control-freakery that plays out in a drama worthy of a Shakespearean tragicomedy.

Well, in the spirit of capacity development, allow me to let you in on a secret. I stumbled upon a simple tool that can help to bring a smile to the face of the most hardened micro-manager and lift the spirits of downtrodden comrades... subversive cake-baking. Subversive because it is a cunning yet subtle way to change an atmosphere and move things along towards a shared goal with minimum casualties. After all you can catch more bees with honey than with vinegar...

Yes believe it or not cupcakes and coordination go hand in hand. Tray bakes and team building were made for each other. Gateau and gung ho is a match made in heaven. 

Go on try it. Suss out your colleagues favourite flavours and plan your culinary attacks to coincide with the stickiest of team meetings. Not only will you have the advantage of the element of surprise, the consequential sugar rush will conclude business faster than you can say fondant fancy. Fancy that? 

And team mealtimes like this...

...will be a thing of the past and you can look forward to this instead:

So put your pinnie, get whipping and you'll be cooking with gas in no time!

Blonde Bombshell in Crisis or case of mistaken identity?

Dear readers,

The Blonde Bombshell in Crises is back on the blog after a bit of a break, having been pootling around in the paradise of Papua New Guinea for a few months.

I felt the urgent need to resume this blog. Why now? Well, dear readers, I feel compelled to clear up some confusion regarding a certain blonde bombshell mentioned in an article in the Metro news on Sunday 3rd February 2013. The title reads "Rush-hour crush goes in search of charity worker who caught blonde bombshell's eye" and you can read the article by clicking on the title.

Apparently the metro blonde bombshell wrote "To the guy in the City Year red jacket at Old Street. You're tall, not so dark, but still handsome. This tall, blonde, cougar wants you all to herself." 

As a consequence, several men volunteering for City Year, thought they fitted that description and were obviously up for some cougar lovin' and here is their response:

 

 A friend of mine notified me of this article by text. Is someone pretending to me moi? Or is it just an unfortunate coincidence? I say 'unfortunate' coincidence because my reputation is at stake. As much as I love reading about urban love stories (a guilty pleasure, I know, but it does help to alleviate stress), I wish to put the record straight and tell you in no uncertain terms that the blonde bombshell of metro-land is not me but a clear case of mistaken identity.

You'll just have to trust me on that. But knowing that you humanitarians and charity workers sometimes have the tendency to slip into cynicism now and again, (and it is understandable after all you have been through), I state my case as follows:

1. Old Street is not my work or playground. My travels take me beyond the London underground, as many of you can testify to....and the last time I checked Old Street had not suffered a conflict or natural disaster crisis.

2. Daaahhhlings I do not need to advertise in the Metro. Why would I? (I am happily spoken for...)

3. Sweeties I am but a kitten, not a cougar! Fluffily gamboling through the meadows of life. I thought that was obvious.......prrrrrrrrrrr. Predation on unsuspecting young things is not my forte.

I'm sure that clears things up!

To the blonde bombshell in metro-land I sincerely wish you all the best in tracking down your guy and may you live happily ever after.

To metro readers, do try and match them up by Valentine's Day, what a coup that would be (of the non-military-revolution kind).

To the City Year guys, keep up the good work and if you fancy some pre-dates with other blonde bombshells then give Humanitarian Dating a whirl.

Its the humane way to find the person of your dreams...

Perceptions of protection coordination

The Quest for Holy Grails

Hello readers! The Blonde Bombshell in Crisis is back on the blog after a little bit of a break. Not that I have gone far really, just a little safari around Namibia in search of the wild side, followed by a short illness and then manically catching up on a backlog of aidwork. Of course us aidworkers like to go on and on about how much work we have to do don't we? Its almost like a religion.

And talking of which, here's a topic that I find amusing in the humanitarian world. The Quest for Holy Grails.

§

Say what? OK I suppose I should try to de-construct this before reconstructing it into something that vaguely resembles sense. Here goes, according to the trusty Oxford Dictionary online :-

holy - is described as morally and spiritually excellent and
grail - is a thing which is eagerly pursued or sought after

So putting them together we get "a morally or spiritually excellent thing which is eagerly pursued or sought after".

And like the long-suffering knights of Arthurian Legend, aidworkers valiantly and fearlessly approach the Bridge of Death to answer riddles, in the hope that they shall be the ones to cross the gorge unscathed to continue their quest and bring said grails back home triumphant and not be cast into the pit of eternal peril.

"And pray, Sir Knight, what are the holy grails you mention? " I hear you cry incredulously. There are two which easily spring to mind. The first is the holy grail of development (and even wikipedia gets it all totally wrong) which is bandied about in many a development framework, poverty reduction strategy, conference and seminar as if it is some weird rite of passage to the higher echelons of devenlightenment.....can you tell what it is yet? Go on take a wild guess! No? Give up? You surprise me! It's that old chestnut....sustainability. Wake up people! It does not exist. The world is changing, people change, situations change, we are all evolving (like it or not creationists....) so how can anything be truly sustainable? The only thing that is sustainable is change itself. Here is David Mitchell on his soapbox about sustainability, with a delightful table analogy.

And so the aidworker knights gallop forward, faster than you can say "MDF flat pack", leaving a trail of limbless Black Knights in their wake crying "come back, its only a fleshwound!"....and on to the next Quest for the second holy grail.




This one is long sought after in many emergencies. Can you guess this one? Come on! It's right under your nose, all the time.....yup, it's coordination. Getting a bunch of flag-waving, mandate toting, testosterone/or oestrogen (and no doubt nicotine and coffee) fueled, willy wobblers (steady on gender specialists, before you get the gender score card out, its only a metaphor!) to collaborate and work effectively together while running around like headless chickens on speed at the height of a crisis? You must be joking! That's pretty much a near impossibility. But we all like to think we can do it don't we? As if we have some amazing, invincible superhero underpants over our tights, squeezing just a teensy bit too tight as we swagger into the next 'coordination' meeting...sigh......when we are, in fact, as naked as the Emperor in his new clothes.




I'm sure these cowboys have it easier......

Disasterjunkie DJ's emergency ipod - on the riot track

Thousands of miles away from home, I was gobsmacked to watch the recent events in UK cities and towns unfold.....the rioting, needless violence and looting (and that was David Cameron as a young lad) and then I was tremendously encouraged by the community outpouring of the 'keep calm and carry on' spirit during clean up and repair of our communities....

What soundtrack could possibly accompany this real-life unfolding drama?

Well in my own way of coming to terms with the crisis, here's my top ten:

I predict a riot - Kaiser Chiefs 
I'm the leader of the gang - Gary Glitter
Breaking glass - Hazel O'Connor
My generation - The Who
London calling - The Clash
Money for nothing - Dire Straits
Ghost town - The Specials
Every breath you take (I'll be watching you) - The Police
One step beyond - Madness
The wombling song - The Wombles of Wimbledon


An alternative way of letting of steam in the same vein as the 'keep calm and carry on' spirit is to say (and for those of you with sensitive demeanors please shut your eyes or turn away now) ......

Disasterjunkie jargonbuster 4 - Humanitarian space

Humanitarian space.......the final frontier. Another little gem from the aid bablefish that needs a teensy bit of jargonbusting...

According to the Oxford online dictionary, as mentioned in disasterjunkie's jargonbuster 3,  a

humanitarian - is a person or groups concerned with or seeking to promote human welfare

and

space - the dimensions of height, depth, and width within which all things exist and move; the physical universe beyond the earth's atmosphere

so if we put them together we might come up with something like this

"humanitarian space is the physical universe beyond the earth's atmosphere within which humanitarians exist and move"

Imagine that, humanitarians moving about in outer space delivering inter-galactic aid without any national, international, or planetary borders, where flash appeal means "Flash, aaah....aaah......saviour of the universe"

Flash Gordon on the Planet Mongo.....hmmmm Planet Mongo, sounds like a new NGO doesn't it? Not to be confused with mango, the fruit. Maybe it is the Martian Organisation for Neighouring Galaxy Outreach.  After all there are a lot of aliens that might need protection and assistance or durable solutions to help them return home or resettle elsewhere. The Men in Black have been doing that since the late 1990s....

 

Just think of the rights of vulnerable aliens, like the Daleks, for example, who are often discriminated against and excluded and might require special measures in place for them to be able to access aid.

And what about those creatures, humanoid, android or other that might require a little bit of tlc and psychosocial support after many years travelling a the speed of light, getting sucked into worm holes or caught in the cross fire of star wars? Well Red Dwarf has been providing that service for years too. Just take a look at a clip from one of their counselling sessions.

So I do believe we have plenty of opportunities for peer-to-peer learning and support to help us to prepare for multi-dimensional missions.  As one of my favourite inter-galactic logisticians, Mr Spock, said "It's life, Captain, but not as we know it", we must be ready to save lives wherever and whenever we are needed.


If you are feeling kind of Kevin at the moment (oh come on people, work it out, you are an intelligent life form are you not?)

As I said, if you are feeling a little bit Kevin these days and in need of  a new mission that is out of this world, don't klingon to the past, do the Timewarp instead.

Switch to warp drive and get ready to meet a Star man! And with that I'll leave you with the wise words of Ziggy Stardust

"There's a starman waiting in the sky

He'd like to come and meet us 

but he thinks he'd blow our minds.

There' a starman waiting in the sky

He's told us not to blow it

Cause he knows its all worthwhile.

He told me:

Let the children lose it

Let the children use it

Let all the children boogie"